SnowyDemon

Well, it's been utterly ages since I was last actually active on Deviant, I suffered major writers block. But, things are getting more frustrating again, unfortunately, but as they do, I feel the desire to write building up more and more. Or maybe it's frustration at not being able to have who I want due to distance. Who knows. Regardless, the desire to write is there. And growing.

To write of traps. Of love. Of desire. To write of trapped desires. Who knows, perhaps I may even write in relation to Lirayndra (My WoW character).

Could try my hand at a short story, although don't hold your breath for it. That's unlikely.

But, yes, I will be more active.

It is as it says. For fear of love. You know what I mean. When you feel it but cannot do anything about it and it...huh...you don't know what I mean?? *sigh* Fine.

Those that know me know about Jay. Well, we split. He moved to London and any hope we had vanished. Distance. Stress. Work. College. It all fucked us up. And yes, I do still love him. And yes, if you asked me, "would I still do anything for him?" then my answer would be "yes". I can't help it. I go out with quite a few guys but I only ever fall in love with a few. Hell, he was the first one I fell honestly in love with. And now, now I find myself going out with another person. She's great, have nothing against her what so ever. I think. Well, maybe against her buying me triple JD's when I only wanted single and double but, that's nothing to hold against her *smile*. But, although I am going out with her, I also find myself uncontrollably drawn physically and emotionally to another. Now, this may come as a suprise but, I've always had an open relationship. AKA, both get to screw others so long as the other is fine with it. Now she is fine with me screwing other guys. And that is fine with me. And fine with him.

"So what's the problem?" you ask? Well, I'm falling in love with him. Yes I know it sounds stupid. Afterall, I only broke up with Jay, who I'll do anything for in May and I've only know this guy about two months, but, we spend alot of time together and he knows I'm falling in love with him and I don't know what to do about it all. Seeing him tonight but it's going to be a headache. I'm certain of it! How the hell am I managing to go out with a girl when I'm screwing a guy who I'm bloody falling in love with?! It's driving me insane.

"So. What's this got to do with fear of love?" I'm scared that by staying with her I'll hurt her but, I cannot deny my feelings for him and by staying wiuth her I'm hurting myself rather than her but I'm worried that if I break up with her and go after him he'll not want me as I want him and I'll get hurt and my heart will shatter. I'm too damn confused as to what to do about it all. It's all a buggered up problem over which i have no control. And crap. I just remembered that he knows I'm on here. Shit. Nothing I can do about it now. Really cannot be arsed to rewrite thi all in a different way. Story. Poem. Drawing. Meh. Don't care. He knows I'm falling in love with him and it hasn't changed anything. I'm just scared that regardless of what I do I'm going to end up hurting someone. Either me. Or me and another. I don't know. Guess it's time to bite the bullet and just go see him.

Some seem to be very delicate in their features, slender and graceful, their fur flowing like silk as they run in the snow or between trees or across open land. Their snouts sniffing the air as they move and run, such a close knit family as never heard of. Nothing can even come close to them. Ears always perked up and listening for prey. Amber eyes picking out the land before them as they stand still or run. Howls at night sounding like a song of pure joy. Or of sorrow. Paws leaving prints where they tred. They're so beautiful and wonderful. In my mind, they're the rulers of the world. Placed on this earth by a Goddess of Beauty and left to roam the lands. Wolves. The perfect beast.

Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait!

Yes! It's true! At long last! Finally! He's coming!! COMING!!!! Tuesday!!! To me!!! From London!!! My baby is finally able to come up and visit me! Damn I've missed him so much! Don't care that I've got a massive phonebill! That He has a massive phonebill! But He's coming! My precious Jay!!

Oh alright I'll speak in coherent sentences. The thing is, I love Jay to death and I've missed him so much since he had to move down to London. I know I'll be going down with him once we find a flat but that still doesn't stop me from missing him as much as I do. So....what he's managed to do despite cash being tight this month is he's gotten a week off work and he's coming up to Newcastle on Tuesday to see me! It's wonderful! I get to spend time with my love whom I've missed for what seems to be ages! Looking so forward to it! Great sex! Cuddles! Life is good! I love my JayJay so bloody much!  And he's coming to me on Tuesday!!!!

*bashes her head against a wall* Well, it's official. I do not like this place no more. So many annoying bastards wandering around. Wish I could just bomb em all. KABOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just like that. Was nice and happy when I was in Newcastle. Now I'm bloody stuck in Blyth. I mean come on. BLYTH!?!? It's a hell hole! Nasty little chava's running around. *glares at the mini chava sitting next to her in the library stopping herself from growling at her* In case you're wondering, I was living very happily in Newcastle with my partner until he got his transfer to London through So, naturally, he's in london and I'm now in Blyth. Damn mum wouldn't let me stay in Newcastle alone. Said " I wouldn't be able to deal with it" Pfft! So, erm...yeah, just not having a good time without Jay. Damn mobile's are all dead on me anyway so I can't get hold of any friends either *curses not having their numbers memorised or written down somewhere* oh well. Bugger it all to hell!