It is as it says. For fear of love. You know what I mean. When you feel it but cannot do anything about it and it...huh...you don't know what I mean?? *sigh* Fine.

Those that know me know about Jay. Well, we split. He moved to London and any hope we had vanished. Distance. Stress. Work. College. It all fucked us up. And yes, I do still love him. And yes, if you asked me, "would I still do anything for him?" then my answer would be "yes". I can't help it. I go out with quite a few guys but I only ever fall in love with a few. Hell, he was the first one I fell honestly in love with. And now, now I find myself going out with another person. She's great, have nothing against her what so ever. I think. Well, maybe against her buying me triple JD's when I only wanted single and double but, that's nothing to hold against her *smile*. But, although I am going out with her, I also find myself uncontrollably drawn physically and emotionally to another. Now, this may come as a suprise but, I've always had an open relationship. AKA, both get to screw others so long as the other is fine with it. Now she is fine with me screwing other guys. And that is fine with me. And fine with him.

"So what's the problem?" you ask? Well, I'm falling in love with him. Yes I know it sounds stupid. Afterall, I only broke up with Jay, who I'll do anything for in May and I've only know this guy about two months, but, we spend alot of time together and he knows I'm falling in love with him and I don't know what to do about it all. Seeing him tonight but it's going to be a headache. I'm certain of it! How the hell am I managing to go out with a girl when I'm screwing a guy who I'm bloody falling in love with?! It's driving me insane.

"So. What's this got to do with fear of love?" I'm scared that by staying with her I'll hurt her but, I cannot deny my feelings for him and by staying wiuth her I'm hurting myself rather than her but I'm worried that if I break up with her and go after him he'll not want me as I want him and I'll get hurt and my heart will shatter. I'm too damn confused as to what to do about it all. It's all a buggered up problem over which i have no control. And crap. I just remembered that he knows I'm on here. Shit. Nothing I can do about it now. Really cannot be arsed to rewrite thi all in a different way. Story. Poem. Drawing. Meh. Don't care. He knows I'm falling in love with him and it hasn't changed anything. I'm just scared that regardless of what I do I'm going to end up hurting someone. Either me. Or me and another. I don't know. Guess it's time to bite the bullet and just go see him.